Ballads of a Bred Souljah V 1.5 Read online



 

  Deep/Sacrificial Love

  My Debt

  Only Begotten Son

  Oh Father

  Sands of Time

  Of the way things used 2 be

  Memories

  I remember these

  Deep/Sacrificial love

  She gives more than enough

  When more is too much

  Grabs hold of my soul

  When all I needed was a touch

  More than a crutch

  She picks me up

  Even when her very own knees give up…

  From the Burdens rough !

  She makes mine smooth

  By the things she do

  Tears away the thorn needles !

  Fearless

  She stares down Evil!

  But treats me peaceful

  Don’t let the meek deceive you

  Her love is Lethal

  Like the Lioness watchin’ the hunters creep through

  Before them; it’s Me

  Before me; it’s You

  Fight to the death

  Her very last breath

  That I may breathe my next

  With no regrets

  Or second guess

  That’s why my love runs Deeper yet

  But hers is a much deeper depth

  Flesh of my Flesh

  Mommy Dearest

  MY Debt

  I cannot forget

  You gave me Breath

  In your arms I rest

  Fed from your flesh

  Your nest protects

  Taught me my first steps

  The Alpha-bet

  Numbers

  And so many other Wonders

  Showed me Home

  Whenever I wandered

  You conquered…

  Every sickness or adversity

  That EVER tried hurtin’ me

  By chance

  Or purposely

  You’ve always Nurtured me

  Even when I didn’t deserve to be

  Your Love

  No question

  A Certainty indeed

  For me,

  You Sacrifice and Bleed

  For free –no fee

  No “What about Me?”

  What would I do without thee?

  I would rather not be

  Not see

  Not breathe

  STOP! PLEASE!!!

  No tree

  No leaves

  You made me Me

  How to be you showed me

  God sowed

  You Grow me

  That’s why I call you Ho-ly

  So much I owe thee

  The One and only

  Only Begotten Son

  And He gave His only begotten Son

  But he gave me nothing at all

  So how can I call..?

  The man Father

  When he never seemed to bother

  Just another…

  Present-absent-parent

  If that makes sense

  But that’s Past-tense

  Back when I had friends

  To take his place

  Learning lessons in the Project staircase and fire escapes

  What a waste?

  But that’s where I felt safe

  I hardly saw his face

  Even when our distance was but a pace

  Or a few more

  A few bruises

  A few sores

  I endured

  Disobeying a Disciplinarian’s laws

  He was appalled

  Comic books he took

  Without a second look

  At his Son’s interests

  To him it was Sense-less

  How could there be friend-ship?

  And then the strangest…

  His very own mother called it a “House of Strangers”

  I can’t believe I’m sayin’ this:

  But if it wasn’t his,

  He wouldn’t know what my name is

  I’ve been through so many changes

  Life stages

  He’s not here

  And I hate it

  When I’m overcome

  To whose arms do I Run?

  Oh Father

  If you don’t like the life that I lead

  Ask yourself:

  Why did I leave

  My first child conceived

  When it is I he needs

  The dreams my eyes bleed

  Are filled with these scenes

  Tossin’ the ball to and fro

  Playin’ in the snow

  Goin’ wherever you go

  Callin’ you He-ro

  Not our loud though

  But things were not so

  The demons would not go

  I always reached

  But you were not close

  To guide my growth

  Provide my Hope

  Inside I wrote:

  “I despise your post”

  But what rides me most

  Is the ghost

  Of a future lost

  It blinds my mind’s eye

  But I can’t view the cost

  It got lost in the smoke…

  As you took off

  But I took Loss

  Not to mention the cross

  That I have to bear

  Over these passed few years

  But,a’las, who cares?

  Or even a bit concerned

  The roads I’ve taken

  Or corners turned

  From the war

  Returned

  By the Laws I’m burned

  Still I’ve learned

  Childhood can’t be returned

  But do we deserve what we have earned?

  Sands of Time

  I look North, South, East and West

  Brace my chest

  Pace my breath and take a step

  My feet suddenly wet

  -I reflect

  Behind a white door I beget

  Happiness!

  Wife and child in the nest

  A sudden pain hits my chest

  -Stress

  In my mental

  Blood drips from my temples

  I begin to….

  Continue

  Pacin’

  More thoughts awaken

  With every step taken

  Physically beaten and shaken

  Then rushed to the –Po-lice station

  Ultimately confined by the false statements of Satans

  Reborn through God’s Grace and patience

  I keep pacin’

  I feel the winds of her wings

  But it’s no longer an angelic song she sings

  By the ring I am singed

  My Hell begins….

  Leap like springs

  Now surrounded by the most beautiful of things

  Scenery I could only dream to see

  Surrounds me

  Blinded by a world that’s been so mean to me

  They hound me

  Clear waters and lush greenery

  Suddenly she screams for me

  Jeffrey!!!

  I rush to see who this could be

  Could this be?

  Out of Her she pushes Me

  And I watch her face shine over mine-Divine

  Now it’s time for me to walk these Sands of Time

  Of the Way Things Used 2 B

  Wake up in an empty home

  All alone

  Shower

  Get dressed

  I’m gone

  All-day-long

  After school

  The block I’m on

  Pac in my headphones


  Zoned

  Puffin’ on a Bone

  To compliment the Blunt

  Devil Water

  I get drunk

  And wil’ 4 a while

  And when I return home

  He’s still gone

  New Day

  Same Song

  And when he finally comes

  It’s silent and numb

  Perfect Strangers

  Father ‘n’ son

  But I’m not dissin’ him

  I’m thankful for the love of knowledge ‘n’ discipline

  I just wish we spoke more

  Those evenings in the kitchen ‘n’

  Days takin’ trips with him

  Maybe life would’ve turned out a little diff-e-rent

  But what’s done is meant

  It makes no sense

  To get bent

  Outta shape

  Over past dates

  And what takes place

  Life travels at a fast pace

  ‘N’ I cruise through these

  Dark days and dead leaves

  Memories

  Of the way things used to be…

  Memories

  I sit back

  Inhale

  And breathe

  Gaze past the leaves of trees

  Into vast seas

  Of memories

  My mother and me

  After the plane lands

  I couldn’t understand

  Why that man had chained her hands

  Innocent I stand wishin’ him to be damned

  Life didn’t go according to plan

  Wedding band on the night stand

  Screams and shouts

  The door slams

  And I stand

  A lost lamb

  DAMN

  How could I only spectate such a fate?

  Tears race down my mother’s face

  Such a disgrace

  I still get heartaches

  -Another breath

  We left the mess

  The stress

  On to success

  The ‘Lex

  No need for the opposite sex

  Bev. Kev and Jeff

  I still re-gret

  Clouds pass by

  I dry my eyes

  Raindrops wet leaves

  But I’m not ready to leave

  Afloat on open seas of memories

  -I breathe

  I Remember Theze

  I’ve seen the scenes

  Fightin’ through the icy cold breeze

  On my way to school

  Just to chill with the ho-mies

  Jamaican rum in my hand

  I swig it slow-ly

  So the

  Warmth can hold me

  At the mid section

  As I’m still step-pin’

  Through the deep white

  Prayin’ not to catch frostbite

  And when I arrive

  We have the time of our lives

  Incite spitball fights (‘n’ riots)

  Got the teachers like…

  Havin’ fun all day

  It’s dangerous in the hallway

  A bum rush will take u a far way

  And at the end of the day

  Go to the block and par-lay

  Dirty Dozen

  The Hard Way

  Blunt loosie and a 4-tay

  What more can I say?

  I had nowhere else to stay

  Where I didn’t feel lone-lay and gray

  A “house of strangers” they say

  So I chill with the ho-may

  Kickin’ freestyles home made

  Rockin’ a low-top fade

  Wishin’ I had braids

  Hood games we played

  In the park getting’ blazed watchin’ J’s get made

  Hard liquor in my Kool-Aid

  -better yet, Sprite (that’s right)

 

  Delilah

  A Rock and a Hard Place

  Weakness

  About Us

  Delilah

  Delilah

  A living ball of fire

  She’ll make your body burn higher

  I’d be a liar

  To say I wasn’t burned by her

  Experience required

  For truth to be admired

  Accepted and hardwired

  She’s like a barbwire

  You get entangled

  The deeper you get in it

  The more your heart meat’s mangled

  Shredded and dangled

  She’s like an airless space

  The more you breathe in

  The more you can’t take

  A perpetual Black hole

  No soul

  No life at all

  But you liked what you saw

  Love, peace and serenity

  But the flesh (sexy)

  Is empty

  Even Satan seems friendly

  Then them

  Then me

  But as you see

  She didn’t end me

  A Rock and a Hard Place

  Stuck between a rock and a hard place

  A place that ain’t safe

  Filled with teardrops and heartaches

  Disgrace

  This place

  I’ve been before

  Still an open sore

  Since the moment I stepped through her open door

  It’s been war

  Tearin’ my heart apart

  Beneath the scarlet mark

  But still in the darkest dark

  I still can see a spark

  The lightness of your Highness

  Behind this

  “Brown-Eyed-Bitch”

  Or rather

  A place that’s sadder

  But safer

  Where I am the only partaker

  Of my love’s flavor

  Patron

  Chef

  And waiter

  Distant

  “Commitment”

  Forgot what It meant

  Awaiting the next shipment

  Of fresh meats

  To bless my sheets

  Address my needs

  “-and what about me?”

  Bitch please!!!

  Love is a dis-ease

  That I do not need

  My options are these…

  Left between

  A Rock and a Hard Place

  Weakness

  Catchin’ feelings is my Weakness

  I guess

  Better yet it’s proven

  Bare my heart

  Just to receive another bruisin’

  Caught up in the delusion

  That you are usin’

  A game that I’m meant to lose in

  The poison is so very sweet and soothin’

  Loving words that you are spewin’

  I’m and addict

  Marriage and a baby carriage

  Words carried

  By Angel’s wings

  I see the strangest things

  Ideal dreams that your language brings

  But the axe still swings

  Blade of Hate

  To decapitate

  A wretched fate awaits

  If I don’t change pace

  And direction

  Take heed to lessons

  Learned from past sessions

  Don’t ask questions

  Or offer answers

  One must not negotiate with Cancer

  Must move swift

  And agile dancer

  In spite of the unrest in one’s chest

  It is best

  Start fresh

  Another quest

  A stronger vest

  Against

  That which

  Sleekest

  To tear through my weakness

  Torn to piecez

  About Us

  Your skin tone is much like my own

  And I like
the form into which you’ve grown

  Whet my appetite no matter what you got on

  Your physical characteristics

  -Stunning-

  Without a touch of lipstick

  ?But what about Trust?

  Desire resides in your eyes

  As they gaze into mines

  Tantalizing thoughts race

  Shallow breaths trail behind

  Every single position that comes to mind

  We grind

  It flows like fine wine

  Together we dine

  Eros Café (neon sign)

  Just outside of Time

  But is there all there is to find

  ?What about trust?

  The Sistah livin’ within beckons him

  To find her

  Buried deep inside her

  He cannot deny the…

  Visions and silent whispers

  That make his insides quiver

  When his mind lyes with her

  But the Divine resides in a …

  Vile vessel

  That won’t let you

  Get next to…

  Only deceive, stress and upset you

  How can this be spe-cial?

  I mean…

  To by no means

  Dis-respect you

  How can you expect to…

  Have me touch you

  When I can’t trust u

  Truly (leave me be)

  Deadbeat Dad

  Do U

  Support OUR Troops

  The Introduction

  The Rules

  Sweat

  Beggars &Leeches

  DEAD-Beat Dad

  You remind me of the dad I never had

  He was never there

  But he treated me so bad

  I’m still mad

  I can’t get past that

  By the thoughts

  I’ve been brutally slapped and laughed at

  Your mannerisms the same

  You escape blame

  For the sheep you’ve slain

  So much pain

  As I wander lost in the plains

  I feel drained

  From my soul screamin’ His name

  But he never came

  Even when we lived under the same

  Roof

  It hurts deep

  Like a pained tooth

  The Root

  Cause of it all

  The negativity and downfalls

  Tears that don’t fall

  The crimes and all

  Why I’m starin’ @the mirror on a wall

  Can’t stand tall

  Lookin’ at the man I call

  Dead-Beat Dad

  Do U?

  The American Dream has become this Souljah’z nightmare

  Use’ 2 fight bullets

  But now I fight tears

  Burning and yearning within my skin

  I keep the fire…

  But my light grows dim

  Scorned by angels